Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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