The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
