Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
