Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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