im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
