I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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