omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
