Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
