I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
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