Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
