Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
