You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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