No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
