My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
