it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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