i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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