tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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