I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
