We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
