how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
