My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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