Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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