Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize