Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
