did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
