I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
