Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize