We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
