I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
