I wish I only lived at night.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
