so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
