as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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