Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
