on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
