Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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