i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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