she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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