she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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