I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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