I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
