hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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