I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
