That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Sorry about my life...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
