i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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