everyone is single if you try hard enough
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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