This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
