I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
