he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
They have beer where we have blood.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
