You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
