I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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