my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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