FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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