Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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