The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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