You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
