Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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