I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
