Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
