My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
