he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
