i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
