I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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