i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
