You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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