you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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