Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
